Facilitating You!

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Ducks Scattered… the End of an Amazing Life

In celebration of Roshanna
In celebration of Roshanna

A friend of mine has talked a lot about how, when we are afraid to let go of a co-dependent relationship or a job or other 3D-related circumstance that keeps us in a contracted emotional state, we are the only ones holding ourselves back from expressing and living our highest joy. That has been true with me.

I posted a while ago about my dream of having a campervan and going wherever spirit leads. Two months ago, I took a temporary apartment for two months in Lawrence, Kansas, with the goal of paring down my possessions and getting into a Class B motorhome. (A Class B is a small—about 20 feet—campervan with all the basic amenities.) Those two months have passed and I am only nominally freer of earthly possessions and have researched campervans but do not yet own one.
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Undimming Our Light

CandleShieldedByWomanI first wrote this post a while ago, and I’m sharing it now because it has come up often recently, and now is such a time of change. A couple of months ago, someone asked me these questions (paraphrasing):

Is it normal for certain people in your life to feed off your light and potential, yet see your potential, and express impatience for you to achieve your goals, but also play a part in pushing you into previous negative patterns?

Can those we love be the biggest catalyst in our growth?

Yes, there’s no question: Those we love are most often our biggest catalysts for growth!

These questions could describe a wound-mate relationship (as opposed to a soul-mate relationship). Wound-mates can be spouses, parents, children, friends, co-workers, etc., and so can soul-mates.

What is a wound-mate relationship? A wound-mate relationship is one in which each partner, generally without trying whatsoever, brings to the surface in the other person whatever core wounds each took on in the first seven years of life. The four main core wounds are: not being seen, not being heard, not feeling loved or lovable, and not feeling nurtured or feeling over-nurtured (thus not feeling safe).

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Inner Compass

CompassThis post is a different mode of expression from others recently. It’s an original poem that expresses in broad strokes my journey out of dark night back to inner-guided life.

 

 

Inner Compass

To light my way in journey out of night,
Such gifted guides illumined bright my sight,
To show that not another’s mind or part—
But only mine, the knowing of my heart—
Could ever bring tranquility or rest
To such deep yearnings held within my chest.

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Our Higher Selves Are Forcing Us to Face Our Shadows

Today I will live in the moment... unless the moment is unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.Someone presented this cartoon recently on one of my favorite groups. Aside from what kind of cookies we all liked to “medicate” with, our dialog went like this…

Me: That hasn’t been working for me lately. The moments I’ve been resisting or medicating in some way… they come back anyway. Higher self seems to be forcing us now to deal with the stuff we’ve been resisting all our lives (and past lives as well?).

Me: So my new commitment, in addition to remembering my joy, is to be willing to sit in the discomfort of the moment to hear the message that it’s here to bring me about myself.

Friend: What do you mean, “sit in the discomfort of the moment”?

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My Life Story Reframed

I gave it all away. All of it. My power. My choice of how to live my life. My determination of how to express, what to eat, how to sleep, who to live my life with, where to go, what to do in any given moment, how to think, what to allow myself to feel. I chose the collective in which to be assimilated. The assimilation then followed according to those to whom I gave the offering of my complete essence. It was assimilation like that of the Borg society in Star Trek, the popular TV and movie franchise. The goal for me and my co-assimilants was to merge as cogs in the wheel of the greater collective. Our minds and our social construct became that of the hive mentality in which all of us were the worker bees—every ounce of energy and every thought in our day was in devotion to the hive and its matriarch.

This was the essence of how I lived my life for eighteen years in the secretive, esoteric, cloistered group that would eventually come to public light as the Heaven’s Gate cult.

I stayed until I couldn’t. I reached my breaking point at a deep unconscious level that surfaced in my conscious awareness as a simple over-riding thought, “I cannot be here anymore.” At the time I didn’t know why. But I was sure. It was the surest thing I had ever known. It was my touchstone in the face of the ensuing assault of cult party-line thinking and vernacular holding me to task to reconsider because: “You know how rotten the world is out there”, and “You’re throwing away the keys to the Kingdom of God if you do this”, and the thought always in the back of our minds, “You’ll be spaded under in the coming recycling of civilization, after which who knows when your soul will have another opportunity like this.”
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